I See the Light

Well, I am about 3 weeks from my next doctor's appointment; the one that I believe will release me to go back to work. Mentally I am ready to go back to work because I miss seeing my co-workers and socializing with them. But, physically I feel nervous. I know that it will be an adjustment and I feel like it will take me awhile to get back to my old self. I am also excited because I am treating it as a new start to my life.

Emotionally I feel depressed sometimes. I think it is partially because I don't have my daily routine and accomplishments like I had. Some days I feel happy and beautiful and other days (like today) I just want to cry because I feel useless. I find myself getting angry with my husband when he wants to go out with his friends. I normally would never get upset. But, I think it has to do with me being jealous that he has a life and I don't. I miss feeling needed, being recognized, saying hello to people in the hall, etc.

Also, I started to notice that my skin was breaking out a lot. I normally have pretty good skin. So, I was doing some reading and I realized that I haven't been sitting out in the sun at all, and read that lack of sun (vitamin D) can cause acne. So, today I made sure to sit outside for awhile each day and I think I am starting to get my skin back.

A Sign on Hope

This weekend I had planned to do my regular routine; sit on the couch and watch T.V. Since I usually didn't have the energy to do any other the other things I would normally do, this is what I was planning on doing.

But, on Saturday I mentally had this ambition to do 7 loads of laundry at the laundry mat. Maybe it was the frustration of having dirty clothes, sheets, etc. but I just had to do it. I knew it would be a huge task and it would hurt later. But, I had to try. I was right. It was exhausting, but emotionally worth it. It felt so good to feel like I was accomplishing something. I could feel the endorphines kicking in.

Then later that night, I got the same burst of energy. But this time I felt more "in shape" to tackle it. So I cleaned upstairs REALLY good, and it felt great to do!

When, I woke up today I hoped I would have the same energy and that progress was being made, rather than the day before being just a fluke. I was right again! I woke up and cooked my family breakfast, took a shower, and actually had enough energy left over to blow dry my hair and flat iron it.

Oh yeah ... and I finally laid on my right side for about 15 minutes today! Woo Hoo!! I love the direction this is going!

I'm Coming Home

Well, my doctor came in and sat with me and told me that they did a biopsy on the piece they removed and confirmed that I did have a sequestration along with the bronchiactisis. He said he got it all out and that I was good as new. Just need to get through recovery. I am so grateful for people like him and the gift of technology. He just changed the quality of the rest of my life. It was like giving someone a new lung. I told him how grateful I was and how he must have a very rewarding job. He replied with, "Well, I don't get the opportunity to operate on young patients very often" .... lol. So, I guess I was one of the rare cases for him. So, after we chatted he gave me the all clear to go home.

My husband showed up and helped me get my things and head home. It was great to finally go home, but I was also scared about the challenges I would face at home. As I walked in my door it was great to hug my daughter again and just be home.

Stop ... Shower Time

I was introduced to my new nurse and he was awesome. I knew after speaking with him he was gay (the reason I point this out will come into play later). He was so nice and was hooking me up with the only thing that actually tasted good; orange sorbet.

Well, as I am starting to move around and walk a little bit I decided I wanted to take on the task of taking a shower. I knew that I would feel so much better after having a head of clean hair and having a clean body. After I finished my shower I was EXHAUSTED! It took so much energy and I didn't have any left to dry off my lower body and I was afraid that I might not be able to stand long enough to dry myself off. So, I called for my nurse. I was standing there butt naked asking for his help. I told him that as long as he was comfortable I was. He replied with, "Don't worry I am gay" LOL. I just said, "I'm not worried I know you are a professional.

After all of that was taken care of and I was able to lay back down I felt SO much better.

Removal of the Chest Tube

Well, today was the day that I was least looking forward to the most. My mind and imagination was driving me crazy wondering what this process was going to be like.

The nurse and doctor comes in to remove the tube. At this point I am very nervous and gave myself a little extra morphine. I held the nurses hand and began using my learned breathing techniques from giving labor. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at all. It felt like someone pulling stitches out. Maybe because I was still numb in that area it helped with the pain. I remember saying, "That's it?" to the doctor.

A Wonderful Visitor

Another fuzzy morphine day. But, on this day something special happened. As the nurse was checking my vitals I see my Dad come into the room!! It was such a wonderful surprise. You could tell that he was a little nervous because I had so many tubes and cords, etc. We chatted for awhile and before he left he grabbed my hand and with teary eyes he says, "You know I love you right?" It was so heartfelt and sweet. It really lifted my spirits.

My Friend ... Morphine

Well, the next day is still a little fuzzy to me. But, I do know that morphine was my friend. I didn't have any sharp pains. I mainly felt a sense of pressure in my chest. My left arm was also hard to raise. I think it was because of all of the morpine, but I did throw up a few times. It made me a little dizzy. So, they had me on a "delicious" diet of jello, ice, and orange sorbet.

Surgery Day

Today is the day I had my surgery. I was blessed to have the company of my husband and my best friend. When I first got there, they put me in a temporary room where I put on my gown, did some blood work, and answered some questions about my health history.

I could feel the nerves start to get the best of me. That is the worst thing that I do; I think too much. So they allowed me to have one Xanax to ease my nerves a bit. It helped a lot. The next moment they come in and tell me that it is time to go. They wheeled me through some halls and then I kissed my husband before I went in. Then, they stopped my bed right in front of the operating room. I was so happy that they didn't bring me in there. I think seeing all of that equipment would overwhelm me. So, I see the Dr walking down the hall to say hello and to write on my left side. I guess this is to ensure me that they will operate on the correct side. He smiled and assured me that I was in good hands. I remember a lady there holding my hand and telling me that everything will be alright and to put my trust in god. Then, the anesthesiologist arrived and introduced himself and told me that he was going to give me my cocktail. That was the last moment I remember before surgery.

My surgery took 3 hours and was completely successful. My memory is a little fuzzy on the after surgery part. But, I do remember waking up and feeling the difference in my breathing already. I was actually laying on my left side and I had NO congestion. This was a first for a long time! Then, I remember them saying that my blood pressure was getting really low and they needed to take me off a certain medicine. I normally always have low pressure so this didn't surprise me.

Then, they wheeled me into my room. It was the cute guy that my best friend and I were talking about earlier! LOL. I remember telling him that he smelled good LOL. As, he was wheeling me around I felt really dizzy. I remember feeling the cool air of the AC vent as I was wheeled into my room. I asked him to stop right there for just a moment so I could make the dizzyness go away. After that, I went to sleep and that is all I remember of that day.

My CT Scan

Well, I had my pre-op CT Scan. Here you can see where the sequestration is on the left side. I have an appointment with the surgeon next week to start planning the surgery.

The Begining of the End ... (end of PS, not life)

Since is this is my first post, I thought I would give a little bit of my background and what i have experienced so far.

AS long as I can remembered I have always had asthma (mainly when I was sick) and reoccurring bronchitis and pneumonia. I also remember getting these sharp pains on my lower left side and it was so painful that it was hard to breath. My mother took me took the doctor and all they would say was that I had bad posture. Really? Posture, are you kidding me? Back in those it seemed so hard to get a doctor that would go that extra step.

Then, when I hit my 20's I decided that since I was paying my own insurance now that I would push a little harder to find out what was going on. I knew it wasn't normal to get this kind of cough all the time and cough up this much phlegm. It would get to the point where I would have to to go to sleep with a cup next to my bed just in case I needed to clear my chest so I could get a decent sleep. So, I had Kaiser ... for those of you who are familiar with Kaiser know how much you have to push them. After pushing for a CT scan, I finally got one. I then saw a Pulmologist and he told me that I have a Pulmonary Sequestration (PS) and bronchiactisis (which is caused by the PS. He never told me what the resolution was. I kind of felt like his little experiment. Every few months he would ask me to have my blood taken and spit in a cup. So, I continued to be his lab rat because I didn't know any better. Anytime I got sick he would load me up with antibiotics until the next flare up came.

Then, I moved to Idaho. When I moved there my lungs went CRAZY! Maybe it was because the change of environment, or the smell of cows, or that they put me in an office next to a mold infested room? So, I found a lung doctor there that wanted to confirm everything Kaiser told me. So, he ordered a CT Scan, but this time I got the die put inside to help. He also had me do a pulmonary function test. The CT Scan confirmed I had a PS and the function test confirmed I was trapping air and I had an obstruction (PS). So, he told me that he will continue to give me antibiotics until my body stopped reacting and then we would decide if we needed to do surgery.

Then, I moved back to California. But, this time NO KAISER! Yay! i had Blue Cross and they didn't hesitate to tell me that I need the surgery. He told me that if I didn't do the surgery I would run the risk of the artery bursting and life isn't going to get any better, so I might as well get the surgery. He asked that I get one more CT Scan, a Pulmonary Function Test, and a blood test before I can talk to the surgeon. I have already had my function test, my CT Scan is next week, and then I meet with my doctor the next week after that. I am very nervous for the surgery, but I am ready to end all of this coughing and phlegm.

So, I will post often as I go through this surgery. Hoping this will help others who may go through the same thing.