I See the Light

Well, I am about 3 weeks from my next doctor's appointment; the one that I believe will release me to go back to work. Mentally I am ready to go back to work because I miss seeing my co-workers and socializing with them. But, physically I feel nervous. I know that it will be an adjustment and I feel like it will take me awhile to get back to my old self. I am also excited because I am treating it as a new start to my life.

Emotionally I feel depressed sometimes. I think it is partially because I don't have my daily routine and accomplishments like I had. Some days I feel happy and beautiful and other days (like today) I just want to cry because I feel useless. I find myself getting angry with my husband when he wants to go out with his friends. I normally would never get upset. But, I think it has to do with me being jealous that he has a life and I don't. I miss feeling needed, being recognized, saying hello to people in the hall, etc.

Also, I started to notice that my skin was breaking out a lot. I normally have pretty good skin. So, I was doing some reading and I realized that I haven't been sitting out in the sun at all, and read that lack of sun (vitamin D) can cause acne. So, today I made sure to sit outside for awhile each day and I think I am starting to get my skin back.

A Sign on Hope

This weekend I had planned to do my regular routine; sit on the couch and watch T.V. Since I usually didn't have the energy to do any other the other things I would normally do, this is what I was planning on doing.

But, on Saturday I mentally had this ambition to do 7 loads of laundry at the laundry mat. Maybe it was the frustration of having dirty clothes, sheets, etc. but I just had to do it. I knew it would be a huge task and it would hurt later. But, I had to try. I was right. It was exhausting, but emotionally worth it. It felt so good to feel like I was accomplishing something. I could feel the endorphines kicking in.

Then later that night, I got the same burst of energy. But this time I felt more "in shape" to tackle it. So I cleaned upstairs REALLY good, and it felt great to do!

When, I woke up today I hoped I would have the same energy and that progress was being made, rather than the day before being just a fluke. I was right again! I woke up and cooked my family breakfast, took a shower, and actually had enough energy left over to blow dry my hair and flat iron it.

Oh yeah ... and I finally laid on my right side for about 15 minutes today! Woo Hoo!! I love the direction this is going!

I'm Coming Home

Well, my doctor came in and sat with me and told me that they did a biopsy on the piece they removed and confirmed that I did have a sequestration along with the bronchiactisis. He said he got it all out and that I was good as new. Just need to get through recovery. I am so grateful for people like him and the gift of technology. He just changed the quality of the rest of my life. It was like giving someone a new lung. I told him how grateful I was and how he must have a very rewarding job. He replied with, "Well, I don't get the opportunity to operate on young patients very often" .... lol. So, I guess I was one of the rare cases for him. So, after we chatted he gave me the all clear to go home.

My husband showed up and helped me get my things and head home. It was great to finally go home, but I was also scared about the challenges I would face at home. As I walked in my door it was great to hug my daughter again and just be home.

Stop ... Shower Time

I was introduced to my new nurse and he was awesome. I knew after speaking with him he was gay (the reason I point this out will come into play later). He was so nice and was hooking me up with the only thing that actually tasted good; orange sorbet.

Well, as I am starting to move around and walk a little bit I decided I wanted to take on the task of taking a shower. I knew that I would feel so much better after having a head of clean hair and having a clean body. After I finished my shower I was EXHAUSTED! It took so much energy and I didn't have any left to dry off my lower body and I was afraid that I might not be able to stand long enough to dry myself off. So, I called for my nurse. I was standing there butt naked asking for his help. I told him that as long as he was comfortable I was. He replied with, "Don't worry I am gay" LOL. I just said, "I'm not worried I know you are a professional.

After all of that was taken care of and I was able to lay back down I felt SO much better.

Removal of the Chest Tube

Well, today was the day that I was least looking forward to the most. My mind and imagination was driving me crazy wondering what this process was going to be like.

The nurse and doctor comes in to remove the tube. At this point I am very nervous and gave myself a little extra morphine. I held the nurses hand and began using my learned breathing techniques from giving labor. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at all. It felt like someone pulling stitches out. Maybe because I was still numb in that area it helped with the pain. I remember saying, "That's it?" to the doctor.

A Wonderful Visitor

Another fuzzy morphine day. But, on this day something special happened. As the nurse was checking my vitals I see my Dad come into the room!! It was such a wonderful surprise. You could tell that he was a little nervous because I had so many tubes and cords, etc. We chatted for awhile and before he left he grabbed my hand and with teary eyes he says, "You know I love you right?" It was so heartfelt and sweet. It really lifted my spirits.

My Friend ... Morphine

Well, the next day is still a little fuzzy to me. But, I do know that morphine was my friend. I didn't have any sharp pains. I mainly felt a sense of pressure in my chest. My left arm was also hard to raise. I think it was because of all of the morpine, but I did throw up a few times. It made me a little dizzy. So, they had me on a "delicious" diet of jello, ice, and orange sorbet.